This year, I was not as disciplined. It may have been because it went so smoothly last year, or it may just have been because I was selfish and wanted to indulge. I went out to dinner the night before and was not only full from the meal, but had dessert as well. I hardly ever eat dessert. I don’t even really like dessert. But I had some, and it was good. Like I said, selfish and indulgent. But I paid for it the next day as I was more hungry the next day.
The first half of the day wasn’t too bad. On the bus ride to work, I listened to some worship music as a way to prepare for the day. I listened to a few praise and worship songs. Sometimes, I get songs stuck in my head, and I’ll listen to them on repeat. This morning, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong was on repeat. It may be because we sang it at worship fairly recently. I am very thankful that I am able to listen to music at work. I just kept hearing:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I am limited in many ways. I get hungry when I don’t eat; I get cranky when I don’t get enough sleep; I get annoyed with people. But God is limitless. He covers where I fall short. He brings me through struggles that I can’t see past. He heals when I feel broken. He is my Savior.
While I had a harder time physically, I was more disciplined spiritually. The evening before I had also spent some time in prayer. I started by praying for the children in Khaodee, the Cambodia Slum Ministry, and the new orphanage. I also needed to ask God for forgiveness and to check myself of any unconfessed sin. I was pretty annoyed at work that day. I then proceeded to complain about it. If there’s anything I’ve learned is that there is a fine line between venting and complaining/gossiping. We all have our frustrations from time to time, and I’m blessed with people I can go to and share with about these things. But in this instance, I probably said more than I needed to. It was important for me to examine my heart and to repent. I needed God to sustain me, but more importantly, for this fast, I needed God to hear my prayers.
The morning went by and I was fine. Friends texted to check in on me and encourage me. But a little bit before noon my stomach grumbled. I drank some more honey lemon water, but it grumbled again. Since it was lunch, I took that moment to read my devotions for the day. I typically do them in the evening before bed, but I needed something now.
Now something strange and wonderful happened when I pulled up my Bible app on my phone. My phone was glitchy all day because of the new update. (SMH at Apple) My texts weren’t going out. It would just say “Sending…”
When I pulled up my devotional app, this is what pulled up:
Today some of them asked me how my fast went and what I was doing it for. Social media can be a scary but wonderful tool. I truly am blessed in my life. If for one day, I can abstain from eating and donate what I would have spent to others, it’s a small sacrifice to make. This year challenged me in talking about OctoberFAST as well learning the importance of being both spiritually and physically disciplined when it comes to fasting.
When I went back to my Bible app later that evening, I found that the devotional that pulled up was not for October 2, 2013. Somehow my glitchy phone had pulled up an old devotional. Perfectly imperfect.